Happiness Within My Reach

1st Oct 2016, my favorite month of the year. Just feels like writing something down here.

Every now and then I always have dreams and always wishing my dreams to come true one day. Every girl or women have their own fantasy and dreams. Neither do I? After so much happened in my life. I've learned that the dream wouldn't just add up in my way without me working hard to achieve it. Every single thing I do now determines my future.

I know I have wasted so much time being the old me waiting for the best to come, as I constantly think I'm the best and good in everything. I am trying to move from being a self-centered to being a people-centred person and be humble myself to think. When I sit in my room silently and thought about what's going on? Why can't I have what I wished for all the time? Why is it so easy for some people? And then, so many pictures flashing back in my head. I finally realized when if I need something good or want my dreams to come true. I need to work really hard to get it. Work seriously hard no matter in career, relationship, friendship, financial stability, the connection between people, everything needs effort and time to build. Just because I took longer than the others, but that doesn't mean I failed. I am trying hard and harder than before. I will paint of own future from today onwards. I am not trying to prove my life to anyone but myself.

I cannot make the changes to the weather, but I can change the clothes that I wear to accommodate the weather condition. I can't change the things that happen to me before, but I can change my attitude and control my response towards the situation.

Money, does having more money make me happier? Do buy branded stuff and all the expensive goods bring happiness to my life? Yes, indeed it does!! If I have enough, I can do things I want without worrying to pay the next bills. But as long as I continue to work hard, money isn't a problem anymore. But why I still feel unhappy now even I have traveled to the place I want, bought branded things and etc? Is it not enough? I realized money can only buy me short term happiness and less happiness than I expect. All my branded stuff has now hidden in my closet. I didn't even take it out and look at it for months. The past two months I have been to the UK and I have learned so much from the trip. I have lived in a home for 6 weeks that doesn't need to show off the luxury, and it was the happiest moment in my life. I feel so contented and so much freedom staying away from toxic people (judgemental people - who judge what bag you take, how much you earn, and etc)

I will be myself, live for myself and my loved ones, I will not live my life to impress anyone. I just want to live like tomorrow is the last day. Enjoy and appreciate every moment and stay happy even though the plan doesn't always come to my way. Stop expecting other people to make me happy, I have to find the happiness within myself.

I've found the formula for myself to have peace and could make myself happier. I will work hard to achieve it.


I just love this portrait so much. 18 Sept 2016

Cherish Every Moment!

I've been through some pretty stressful life in the past few years. 

Break-up because of cheating and financial crisis because of the same guy. The guy who has a very bad tempered that unleashed the worst of it on his girlfriend, that's ME! And it's not easy to hold up to this disaster by myself.

No doubt but my life was tougher than you think. A life that no one should go through. 

What's so tough about it? Well, I guess no one could understand, but myself. Going through a life that couldn't tell or share with anyone of my burden because of protecting the dignity of a man. 

OH Gosh!!

You must thinking I am being so silly. 

Yes, love can make someone goes silly or sick and if you hadn't been silly means you hadn't been in love.

This poor little girl always sat on the stairs crying and staring at the floor, asking why I have to live through these? What have I done wrong and why can't I live my life like most of the ordinary girl? Having someone to pamper and take care. Just a simple kiss on the forehead or putting the hands around my shoulder. 

Sometimes it's just as simple as that.

I often asked myself. What have I done wrong? What can I do to fix things right? Was I not good enough? Million questions going through my head asking myself why-why-why? After what-what-what? I finally realized asking that wouldn't make things right. But instead, keep telling myself, I shouldn't blame, I shouldn't curse and I shouldn't ask WHY. I have to find ways to be happy again and move on!

Drop it, leave it and let it go.
Buried it and never look back.    

I know I need trust, I need love and I need support. The only source I could think of is my family. I took a lot of guts to tell them what happened. That was so much relieved and my burden totally put off. 

I told myself that I couldn't let me parents down and I permitted myself to be extremely sad and breakdown for one week. Yes, just one week. 

NO FOOD / NO SLEEP / NO ACTIVITY / JUST CRY OUT LOUD. 
It's not that hard actually. 

After all, the moral of the story loves all you can but not to sacrifice everything you have. 

To be frank, after the break-up, I was so afraid to be alone because I am not used to being alone for years. But now I know to be alone is better than being with the wrong person. Hurt really can make someone goes wiser, go stronger and go braver. I appreciate everything I have been through and that's made me who I am today. 

I began to learn to be my life to the fullest, to love myself and pamper myself like no one else could. Just a simple manicure, facial or a short getaway that could help to restore my energy to the maximum. I think life is all about how you cherish being in that moment itself and no concerns about the future. It's about the moment that kept in the heart now. I always trusted God will open another door for you if he shuts one door. 

Everyone does have a gift, what kind of gift? Perhaps we have to discover it ourselves what is it for us to find our sunshine after the rain. One day you will understand why you don't need to ask more and it will eventually come to you. When you have the toughest moment in life, please cherish it because of the bad, you know the best thing is on its way. 

*cross-finger*, have faith in everything and good things will come eventually.

Thanks God, Thanks Dad, Thanks Mom, Thanks Sis and Thank "YOU" Uncle Dave.