Cherish Every Moment!

I've been through some pretty stressful life in the past few years. 

Break-up because of cheating and financial crisis because of the same guy. The guy who has a very bad tempered that unleashed the worst of it on his girlfriend, that's ME! And it's not easy to hold up to this disaster by myself.

No doubt but my life was tougher than you think. A life that no one should go through. 

What's so tough about it? Well, I guess no one could understand, but myself. Going through a life that couldn't tell or share with anyone of my burden because of protecting the dignity of a man. 

OH Gosh!!

You must thinking I am being so silly. 

Yes, love can make someone goes silly or sick and if you hadn't been silly means you hadn't been in love.

This poor little girl always sat on the stairs crying and staring at the floor, asking why I have to live through these? What have I done wrong and why can't I live my life like most of the ordinary girl? Having someone to pamper and take care. Just a simple kiss on the forehead or putting the hands around my shoulder. 

Sometimes it's just as simple as that.

I often asked myself. What have I done wrong? What can I do to fix things right? Was I not good enough? Million questions going through my head asking myself why-why-why? After what-what-what? I finally realized asking that wouldn't make things right. But instead, keep telling myself, I shouldn't blame, I shouldn't curse and I shouldn't ask WHY. I have to find ways to be happy again and move on!

Drop it, leave it and let it go.
Buried it and never look back.    

I know I need trust, I need love and I need support. The only source I could think of is my family. I took a lot of guts to tell them what happened. That was so much relieved and my burden totally put off. 

I told myself that I couldn't let me parents down and I permitted myself to be extremely sad and breakdown for one week. Yes, just one week. 

NO FOOD / NO SLEEP / NO ACTIVITY / JUST CRY OUT LOUD. 
It's not that hard actually. 

After all, the moral of the story loves all you can but not to sacrifice everything you have. 

To be frank, after the break-up, I was so afraid to be alone because I am not used to being alone for years. But now I know to be alone is better than being with the wrong person. Hurt really can make someone goes wiser, go stronger and go braver. I appreciate everything I have been through and that's made me who I am today. 

I began to learn to be my life to the fullest, to love myself and pamper myself like no one else could. Just a simple manicure, facial or a short getaway that could help to restore my energy to the maximum. I think life is all about how you cherish being in that moment itself and no concerns about the future. It's about the moment that kept in the heart now. I always trusted God will open another door for you if he shuts one door. 

Everyone does have a gift, what kind of gift? Perhaps we have to discover it ourselves what is it for us to find our sunshine after the rain. One day you will understand why you don't need to ask more and it will eventually come to you. When you have the toughest moment in life, please cherish it because of the bad, you know the best thing is on its way. 

*cross-finger*, have faith in everything and good things will come eventually.

Thanks God, Thanks Dad, Thanks Mom, Thanks Sis and Thank "YOU" Uncle Dave. 

只要有决心，铁条可以变成针 [20/11/2014]

I'm working now but I just want to write something here and put this as a reminder to myself. It’s been a while that I have neglected this blog. Not because I have no time to write, maybe because I don’t have the heart to write anymore.

This journey of my life is getting tougher and tougher. Sometimes this road making me felt is like a puzzle, every so often I got no clue of the way and I felt so lost. Perhaps, time could be the best cure and best solution now. I need time to heal and to guard myself up for all things. I hope everything will be settle real soon.

Life hasn’t been easy for me since started this relationship. A person that giving me tremendous stress. But I know the beginning of every good thing is always been the hardest. I believe and have faith in myself that my future will be bright and glow. Everything will be worth all the effort and time I have put in. Yes, I know I have the strength / more strength than other people.

Life is just like running, today I will run 2km, tomorrow I will run 5km and day after tomorrow I will run 10km and subsequently 10km is just piece of cake to me. Persistence is the thing that I need, I have to control my mind, control my body, and control my soul. Let’s not let myself procrastinate anymore. A lasting happiness cannot be bought and I must work hard to achieve it.

I put myself into God’s hand. I hope the God’s hand will protect me and brings me to a place that full of peace and joy.

Prayer to help out on my Financial stress~♡

Dear Lord, this is the first time I am praying for financial help. You know what I need before I pray to you. I turn to you today and ask that you guide me in the direction that will lead me to financial relief and stability. Please help me out of my never ending financial stress. It wasn't my problem but someone is causing me this problem. The past two years have been tough on me and now I've hit a new low. I'm struggling to keep my head up again. I'm in desire need of help. Please help me gain control again so I can make a comfortable life again.  I just want a peaceful life, but my finances give me no hope. It's hurting my spirits in some ways. Please, Lord, hear my prayer for help. Amen!

I almost collapsed and fainted in the office last week (17 April 2013)

Sorry, this is so long. This is only about a half of what I want to share actually. I’m so struggled nowadays if you know. Mama is going through chemotherapy and her antibody is getting weaker and weaker now. I felt so uncomfortable every day because I can’t do anything to help, besides supporting and “keep praying” !!! 

2 days later, which is [11 April 2013 Thursday]

Sister called and told me Jim “my dog” is going to die. She said he is very very very sick, his legs were trembling all the time and having a high fever. I'm really exhausted, I kneel on the floor and tears keep falling from my eyes.

My sight got more blurry and I thought I was going to faint. I tried to close my both eyes and putting my forehead on my hand on the table. The burdens on my shoulder are like never go away?

I knew God planned every day for me. I believe he will make a way for me but, I’m so tired and I’m so afraid of things now. I am worn-out for keep crying recently.

Two days after, which is [13 April 2013 Saturday]

when I got home I saw mama so sick, Jim is so skinny and left only bones. Well, they seem happy to see me again and Jim welcome me. Although he doesn’t have energy, but he was trying hard to walked near me. I tried my very best of the night taking care of him; giving him the best care I could to make him feel better at least? I carried him the whole night, to eat, to drink to pee, to everywhere he wants to go and to do things he wants to do.

I can’t continue anymore. Wish all these happened are just a dream, hope I can wake up tomorrow...

Never ending! (02 April 2013)

Can you teach me how to endure this endless “bad luck” that happening to me?

Why I feel like the “bad luck” is attached to my body?

Like never ending stories?

Or anybody is cursing me now?

Never knew one small issue can lead to one and another and become a big problem.

Why do I have so many “why” from day one of 2013?

Phew, never mind, better luck next time.

*Finger Crossed*

God Bless Me!

Never mind, here I wishing you

*prosperity*

*good health*

*may everything works out as you wished*

and

 *long life of 100 years*  Ooo..!!!