Going back home to Malaysia from Singapore Via VTL (Air)

Finally ended my wfh 3 weeks trip back home after 2 years stuck in Singapore! Finally able to celebrate my favorite festive Christmas. 

There are mixed feelings, happy and sad. 

Happy that I'm able to meet up with my parents, Ku Jie, sisters, and Jim. Happy to see that they are healthy, but sad for Ku Jie for having a mild stroke on one side of her face. Pray for God’s mercy on her health and grant her mercy. 

Happy to see that Dad still has tremendous strength going in and out of the house. 

Happy to see Crystal is happy being with Steve, wishing them happy marriage ever after. 

Happy to see Veeni has grown up so much and so mature. Helping the family in every little thing. Life has just started and there will be a lot of obstacles in the future, but don't worry because God will lead the way. 

Happy to see Flora having two cute little children Zi Heng and Li Tung have grown to be so caring and smart little kiddos. 

Happy to see mom is having her me-time all the time, and the extensive strength to complain about every single thing which is hard to do for a normal person. Thank God for granting her extraordinary mind that makes her long life. 

Last but not least, Happy to see Jim’s reactions all the time when he sees me. Why a dog can be so loyal and in love with the owner? What's in their mind? Why God create an animal with such compassion that unable to find in a person? 

Happiness Within My Reach

1st Oct 2016, my favorite month of the year. Just feels like writing something down here.

Every now and then I always have dreams and always wishing my dreams to come true one day. Every girl or women have their own fantasy and dreams. Neither do I? After so much happened in my life. I've learned that the dream wouldn't just add up in my way without me working hard to achieve it. Every single thing I do now determines my future.

I know I have wasted so much time being the old me waiting for the best to come, as I constantly think I'm the best and good in everything. I am trying to move from being a self-centered to being a people-centred person and be humble myself to think. When I sit in my room silently and thought about what's going on? Why can't I have what I wished for all the time? Why is it so easy for some people? And then, so many pictures flashing back in my head. I finally realized when if I need something good or want my dreams to come true. I need to work really hard to get it. Work seriously hard no matter in career, relationship, friendship, financial stability, the connection between people, everything needs effort and time to build. Just because I took longer than the others, but that doesn't mean I failed. I am trying hard and harder than before. I will paint of own future from today onwards. I am not trying to prove my life to anyone but myself.

I cannot make the changes to the weather, but I can change the clothes that I wear to accommodate the weather condition. I can't change the things that happen to me before, but I can change my attitude and control my response towards the situation.

Money, does having more money make me happier? Do buy branded stuff and all the expensive goods bring happiness to my life? Yes, indeed it does!! If I have enough, I can do things I want without worrying to pay the next bills. But as long as I continue to work hard, money isn't a problem anymore. But why I still feel unhappy now even I have traveled to the place I want, bought branded things and etc? Is it not enough? I realized money can only buy me short term happiness and less happiness than I expect. All my branded stuff has now hidden in my closet. I didn't even take it out and look at it for months. The past two months I have been to the UK and I have learned so much from the trip. I have lived in a home for 6 weeks that doesn't need to show off the luxury, and it was the happiest moment in my life. I feel so contented and so much freedom staying away from toxic people (judgemental people - who judge what bag you take, how much you earn, and etc)

I will be myself, live for myself and my loved ones, I will not live my life to impress anyone. I just want to live like tomorrow is the last day. Enjoy and appreciate every moment and stay happy even though the plan doesn't always come to my way. Stop expecting other people to make me happy, I have to find the happiness within myself.

I've found the formula for myself to have peace and could make myself happier. I will work hard to achieve it.


I just love this portrait so much. 18 Sept 2016

Cherish Every Moment!

I've been through some pretty stressful life in the past few years. 

Break-up because of cheating and financial crisis because of the same guy. The guy who has a very bad tempered that unleashed the worst of it on his girlfriend, that's ME! And it's not easy to hold up to this disaster by myself.

No doubt but my life was tougher than you think. A life that no one should go through. 

What's so tough about it? Well, I guess no one could understand, but myself. Going through a life that couldn't tell or share with anyone of my burden because of protecting the dignity of a man. 

OH Gosh!!

You must thinking I am being so silly. 

Yes, love can make someone goes silly or sick and if you hadn't been silly means you hadn't been in love.

This poor little girl always sat on the stairs crying and staring at the floor, asking why I have to live through these? What have I done wrong and why can't I live my life like most of the ordinary girl? Having someone to pamper and take care. Just a simple kiss on the forehead or putting the hands around my shoulder. 

Sometimes it's just as simple as that.

I often asked myself. What have I done wrong? What can I do to fix things right? Was I not good enough? Million questions going through my head asking myself why-why-why? After what-what-what? I finally realized asking that wouldn't make things right. But instead, keep telling myself, I shouldn't blame, I shouldn't curse and I shouldn't ask WHY. I have to find ways to be happy again and move on!

Drop it, leave it and let it go.
Buried it and never look back.    

I know I need trust, I need love and I need support. The only source I could think of is my family. I took a lot of guts to tell them what happened. That was so much relieved and my burden totally put off. 

I told myself that I couldn't let me parents down and I permitted myself to be extremely sad and breakdown for one week. Yes, just one week. 

NO FOOD / NO SLEEP / NO ACTIVITY / JUST CRY OUT LOUD. 
It's not that hard actually. 

After all, the moral of the story loves all you can but not to sacrifice everything you have. 

To be frank, after the break-up, I was so afraid to be alone because I am not used to being alone for years. But now I know to be alone is better than being with the wrong person. Hurt really can make someone goes wiser, go stronger and go braver. I appreciate everything I have been through and that's made me who I am today. 

I began to learn to be my life to the fullest, to love myself and pamper myself like no one else could. Just a simple manicure, facial or a short getaway that could help to restore my energy to the maximum. I think life is all about how you cherish being in that moment itself and no concerns about the future. It's about the moment that kept in the heart now. I always trusted God will open another door for you if he shuts one door. 

Everyone does have a gift, what kind of gift? Perhaps we have to discover it ourselves what is it for us to find our sunshine after the rain. One day you will understand why you don't need to ask more and it will eventually come to you. When you have the toughest moment in life, please cherish it because of the bad, you know the best thing is on its way. 

*cross-finger*, have faith in everything and good things will come eventually.

Thanks God, Thanks Dad, Thanks Mom, Thanks Sis and Thank "YOU" Uncle Dave. 

只要有决心，铁条可以变成针 [20/11/2014]

I'm working now but I just want to write something here and put this as a reminder to myself. It’s been a while that I have neglected this blog. Not because I have no time to write, maybe because I don’t have the heart to write anymore.

This journey of my life is getting tougher and tougher. Sometimes this road making me felt is like a puzzle, every so often I got no clue of the way and I felt so lost. Perhaps, time could be the best cure and best solution now. I need time to heal and to guard myself up for all things. I hope everything will be settle real soon.

Life hasn’t been easy for me since started this relationship. A person that giving me tremendous stress. But I know the beginning of every good thing is always been the hardest. I believe and have faith in myself that my future will be bright and glow. Everything will be worth all the effort and time I have put in. Yes, I know I have the strength / more strength than other people.

Life is just like running, today I will run 2km, tomorrow I will run 5km and day after tomorrow I will run 10km and subsequently 10km is just piece of cake to me. Persistence is the thing that I need, I have to control my mind, control my body, and control my soul. Let’s not let myself procrastinate anymore. A lasting happiness cannot be bought and I must work hard to achieve it.

I put myself into God’s hand. I hope the God’s hand will protect me and brings me to a place that full of peace and joy.

Prayer to help out on my Financial stress~♡

Dear Lord, this is the first time I am praying for financial help. You know what I need before I pray to you. I turn to you today and ask that you guide me in the direction that will lead me to financial relief and stability. Please help me out of my never ending financial stress. It wasn't my problem but someone is causing me this problem. The past two years have been tough on me and now I've hit a new low. I'm struggling to keep my head up again. I'm in desire need of help. Please help me gain control again so I can make a comfortable life again.  I just want a peaceful life, but my finances give me no hope. It's hurting my spirits in some ways. Please, Lord, hear my prayer for help. Amen!

I almost collapsed and fainted in the office last week (17 April 2013)

Sorry, this is so long. This is only about a half of what I want to share actually. I’m so struggled nowadays if you know. Mama is going through chemotherapy and her antibody is getting weaker and weaker now. I felt so uncomfortable every day because I can’t do anything to help, besides supporting and “keep praying” !!! 

2 days later, which is [11 April 2013 Thursday]

Sister called and told me Jim “my dog” is going to die. She said he is very very very sick, his legs were trembling all the time and having a high fever. I'm really exhausted, I kneel on the floor and tears keep falling from my eyes.

My sight got more blurry and I thought I was going to faint. I tried to close my both eyes and putting my forehead on my hand on the table. The burdens on my shoulder are like never go away?

I knew God planned every day for me. I believe he will make a way for me but, I’m so tired and I’m so afraid of things now. I am worn-out for keep crying recently.

Two days after, which is [13 April 2013 Saturday]

when I got home I saw mama so sick, Jim is so skinny and left only bones. Well, they seem happy to see me again and Jim welcome me. Although he doesn’t have energy, but he was trying hard to walked near me. I tried my very best of the night taking care of him; giving him the best care I could to make him feel better at least? I carried him the whole night, to eat, to drink to pee, to everywhere he wants to go and to do things he wants to do.

I can’t continue anymore. Wish all these happened are just a dream, hope I can wake up tomorrow...

Never ending! (02 April 2013)

Can you teach me how to endure this endless “bad luck” that happening to me?

Why I feel like the “bad luck” is attached to my body?

Like never ending stories?

Or anybody is cursing me now?

Never knew one small issue can lead to one and another and become a big problem.

Why do I have so many “why” from day one of 2013?

Phew, never mind, better luck next time.

*Finger Crossed*

God Bless Me!

Never mind, here I wishing you

*prosperity*

*good health*

*may everything works out as you wished*

and

 *long life of 100 years*  Ooo..!!!

Give Thanks to You Lord (13 Mar 2013)

Hello to all of my friends,

I would love to thank you to all my friends that giving me supports and all the positive advice during my miserable moments. Your supports are so important to me. Even a small deed but have become a very big favor to me. I appreciate all of your kindness and concerned towards me and my family. Thank you.

I’m here to give you an update of my mama. I happy to say that mama’s surgeries were successful. Besides the breast area, only the lymph nodes have another big tumor and 28 small ones, but all had been removed. She is still on wounds recovering stage and thank you God for all the blessing and strengths upon mama. By the time she fully recovered. She will need to go for chemotherapy for 6 times and I hope these 6 times wouldn’t harm her body. *Pray hard*

Dear Lord, I just want to thank you for hearing my prayers and answered them one by one. Thank you for helping me all the time when I am lost and you stretch out your hand for me to hold and I know you will never let me down. You never once failed to answer my prayers. You always know what is best for me and what is not. Thank you so much, you’re awesome and I love you.

My Prayer to you Father God (01 March 2013)

Dear Father I pray,

Mama will be alright, Mama will be alright, Mama will be alright,

Mama will be alright, Mama will be alright, Mama will be alright,

Mama will be alright, Mama will be alright, Mama will be alright,

Mama will be alright, Mama will be alright, Mama will be alright,

Mama will be alright, Mama will be alright, Mama will be alright,

Mama will be alright, Mama will be alright, Mama will be alright,

Mama will be alright, Mama will be alright, Mama will be alright,

Mama will be alright, Mama will be alright, Mama will be alright,

Mama will be alright, Mama will be alright, Mama will be alright,

Mama will be alright, Mama will be alright, Mama will be alright,

Mama will be alright, Mama will be alright, Mama will be alright,

Mama will be alright, Mama will be alright, Mama will be alright,

Mama will be alright, Mama will be alright, Mama will be alright,

Mama will be alright, Mama will be alright, Mama will be alright,

Mama will be alright, Mama will be alright, Mama will be alright,

Mama will be alright, Mama will be alright, Mama will be alright,

Mama will be alright, Mama will be alright, Mama will be alright,

Mama will be alright, Mama will be alright, Mama will be alright,

Mama will be alright, Mama will be alright, Mama will be alright,

Mama will be alright, Mama will be alright, Mama will be alright,

Mama will be alright, Mama will be alright, Mama will be alright,

Mama will be alright, Mama will be alright, Mama will be alright,

In the name of Holy Jesus I pray, Amen!

My Prayer to you Father God (01 March 2013)

Dear God,

You already knew it that mama will undergo an operation later at around 2pm.I'm praying for peace and strength for her to overcome the fear and worries. Dear God please protect her in and out, from top to bottom and left to right all over her body, her mind and her soul. Please touch her and grant her strength and comfort her, so that she can endure the pain after surgeries. Please help her to have a quick and complete recovery. Dear Father God please accepts my prayer for what it is. I knew this surgery will be successful. I wanted to thank you in advance for the answered prayer, in the name of Jesus Christ, Holy Spirit and almighty Father God I sincerely pray, Amen!

My Prayer to You Father (28 Feb 2013)

Lovely God, today is last day of the month. You know how really tired I am these days when things are getting frantic.

I would still love to give you thanks to you even though February was a bad month to me, but still you strengthen my wings to faith.

Everyday devotion draws me closer to your arms and I know that I’m not alone because you watched over me and my family.

Dear Father God, I also want to thank you for all your blessings and generosity by sending angels to console mama, especially when she’s having a tough time and pray that you will take away her pain and illness after tomorrow.

I also pray that her operation will be successful and she will receive total healing from you.

Pray that she may have peace in mind and strength to overcome these obstacles.

Pray for wisdom and guidance for doctor and nurse through the operation.

Make them to be your hands, eyes, mouth, and brain so that the operation will be 100% successful.

Thank you Father God, sincerely pray in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen!

My Prayer to You Father God (27 Feb 2013)

 Dear Lord,

You know my prayer before I pray it.

You know about the breast cancer that my mom experiencing now, the surgeries, the treatments, and family related issues, and financial constraints. I ask you to bless and heal my mom with your holy power.

Please heal my mom body that she may never feel sick again.

I ask that each day brings her closer to you, and I ask that you to restore her strength. Give her your love, wisdom, common sense, knowledge and the strength to overcome anything unhealthy.

I ask this prayer in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

其爱的主，在我祈祷之前我想你已经知道我的祈祷。

你知我妈患上乳癌，手术，医疗，工作和家庭事，以及经济上的问题。我在这里请求你保佑和医治我妈。请医好我妈的身体，希望不会再有癌症。

我祈祷每一天都能够将她带去靠近你身边以及恢复我妈所需要的力量。给她你的爱，智慧，常识，知识，和力量去打败困难。我向主耶稣祈祷，阿门。

**I'm counting blessing from whoever's reading this prayer. Thank You.**

Prayer for a Wonderful New Year (01 Jan 2013)

Dear Lord,
Thank you for giving me a wonderful and a blessing new year.
the memories you'd given me today will forever remain in my heart.
and
Dear Lord, please help me to be patient.

In the name of Almighty Jesus I prayed, Amen!

What are my most grateful for year 2012 (27 Dec 2012)

날씨가 너무 좋네요 ~ 잘지내고 있는겨?.. 보고 싶었어요.. 
 

How has my year of 2012 been?

Working life (all about $$)

Less Entertainment – Less Outing– Less Drinking – No boyfriend - More Exercise - Healthy Lifestyle

This year mentally grew up compare to few years back. From a very needy, weak and dependent person have become a tougher person now. Although I still depend on my parents at times, but I choose not to and as time goes by I came to realized how fragile is a human being and they won't forever be around to pamper me like a princess I used to be. The only person that will always be with me is God and I. That’s the reason why I need to continue to depend on HIM for the support.

Practice a lot in being silence, read a book that taught me do not reveal all my thoughts to people because one day, nobody would ever listen to whatever I said and trust me. I came to realized that whatever I said now has to back up with my own action. I don’t like giving false hope or revealing much about my future because I'd not achieved anything now and I don't want to give any disappointment to the listener. 

*God is good and God is Great*
He opened my eyes made me realized who am I. Being a responsible person as growing up I started to have visual to understand and differentiate what’s right and wrong and what’s important to me in my life.  That’s you, my family and God.
And also come to understand that maturity is not about AGE, it is what you do and what you say, it is thinking of others first before thinking of one’s self or being selfish and forcing people to understand your own point of view because nobody could understand you or your life, don't expect them to understand you in and out because they are not walking on the same path as you.

Learning how to stop judging people, I'll first look into the mirror before I go judge anybody. I'm not perfect and there're tons of drawbacks in myself.  I don’t feel that I’m so matured now but I’m practicing and will always stick to my own principles.

What are 12 things I love about this year.

1)      Love my family more and more – work work work - sacrifice time to spend with them; what I can do is buy them good food every time home visits. This is my favourite. 

2)      I have financially independent now compares to the old times, everything relying on grandparents. 

3)      I leave home worked in Singapore for a year, became more independent in taking care of myself.

4)      God presence  – he will always find a way for me to stepped out when I’m in the darkness

5)      Good friends and Bad friends – no clarification for this. You have to experience yourself. 

6)      More exercise – not to be slim but to be healthy

7)      Less alcohol – it’s tempting but determinations need to improve.

8)      Eat vegetables and fruits now 

9)      Good working environment – Blessing from God and this is so well prepared by him

10)   Good colleagues – treating people the same way how you would like to be treated. 

11)   Good Boss and Manager – treated me so well especially once I saw the yearly bonus.. I laughed so hard and I wet myself (on my face)

12)   Lastly, Christmas time was one of my favourite days of the year, I spent time with family the day before Christmas Eve, and we’d party at home. So warm and delighted.

Goodbye 2012 and Welcome 2013

Red ink stains one red, black ink stains one black

I read this book recently and found a few proverbs that I personally love and there is one a very good chinese proverbs that I would love to share it here so that I can remind myself all the time.

近朱者赤，近墨者黑 (jìn zhū zhě chì，jìn mò zhě hēi)

A Chinese proverb similar to the English saying "Bad company corrupts good character", and extremely similar to the Greek proverb "A man is known by the company he keeps".

The origin of this saying lies in the way the Chinese used to prepare ink for writing and painting. There were two basic colours available in the ancient days: red (赤; chì) and black (黑; hēi). Red ink was known in Chinese as 朱砂墨 (zhū shā mò), while black ink was simply called 墨 (mò). To prepare the ink, one had to grind an ink-stick in an ink container (about as big as an ash tray), taking care that one's long sleeves stayed out of the way. Grinding the ink-stick often meant that the ink would stain your fingers (or sleeves, if you were careless or inept). Therefore, another person could always tell which ink you were using by the colours on your hands.
This principle was applied in predicting the way a person's character would turn out by the kind of company he was keeping; or vice versa to tell a person's friends by his personality.

Imagine, feel and touch~ (29 Nov 2012)

Feeling is the greatest power to conquer every good things in life. 

• Feel God to everything
• Feel Happy to everything
• Feel Good to everything
• Feel Great to everything
• Feel BLESSED to everything
• Feel Beautiful to everything
• Feel Satisfied to everything
• Feel Fun to everything
• Feel Determine to everything
• Feel Lucky to everything
• Feel Contented to everything
• Feel Glad to everything
• Feel Love to everything
• Feel Positive to everything
• Feel Fabulous to everything
• Feel Gratitude to everything
• Feel Passion to everything
• Feel excitement to everything
• Feel Hope to everything
• Feel Enthusiasm to everything
• Feel Believe to everything
• Feel Hope to everything
• Feel Faith to everything 
• Feel POWER to everything

  

Yes, this is tough, but knowing that I'd feel great after so much feelings. 

I will start to feel~

The sleigh bell is ringing..!! (28 Nov 2012)

 Christmas is coming

Christmas is one of my favorite days of the year,
 if you have read my previous blog about "My Dream Holiday" you would probably know it.

I love Christmas is not because of having a holiday on that day,
but because it's time to Christmas music *ding dong bell*

and what most important is spending this precious time singing Christmas songs with my family..

*wink wink*

Another reason is because the wave of Christmas sales is everywhere..!!!
It's time for a shopping spree. I can't resist going on
Shopping shopping and shopping...!!!
*$$$ fly *
and also,
it is a special time for you to buy gifts and cards for 
your lovely family or friends or special ones.. !!

Christmas tree

brings back sweet memories when I was 16 years old, 

I can say that was a really really sweet one... 

 There was a time in my life when I was young and naive. 

  I remember I’d bought a Christmas tree slightly smaller for my little bf. 

And what crazy was, 

the route I brought the back, was tougher than you can't imagine!

And I spent too much on the tree and decoration fillings.

This memory will be captured in my heart forever.

 *Once upon a time the Craziieeee and Naive me* 

Wanted to give him as a little surprise and decorated it in his room before he came back from school.

** 3 hours passed*

waiting, waiting and waiting 

I finally fell asleep..!

I wasn't expecting much...

Hohoho… the end!

~Well, he is married now~ 

Happy time with family (19 Nov 2012)

Another night I’m here speaking to myself and trying to share my story again. 

  When the weekend is around, I’m ready for something exciting. Yeah you knew it.!!!

Back home again~~!!! Hohoho 

Purpose of going back....

1st - Crystal birthday,  

2nd - hope to visit my friend father again
  

Feeling so blissful and so charismatic early in the morning (Saturday)
At this moment, there are so much I wish to be thankful for.

When I was in Singapore, I often daydream about having an ideal family brunch during the weekend or holiday.
Because I am always eating alone.

Feeling so happy to have my family seated around the table chit chatting and giving everyone time to talk, we love sharing jokes, they're a real jokers.

Breakfast have become a time for us to celebrate family birthdays

*so sweet right?*
~wink wink~

 

to be cont~ 
Too sleepy.. Good night peeps..

Prayer for Today (15 Nov 2012)

A sad thing happens and making me so afraid.
 Sometime feels like, just want the whole world to go away and leave me alone.

Pray for peace, patient, love and guidance when I felt intensively struggled. 
Life is so short and I wish I could cherish every precious moment and I should enjoy every second of life.
and also wish each day I woke up, I could have a grateful thought and things I adore in my mind and I hope everyone that is reading this right now have a really good day too and
May God Bless You and Me...

Ending of my favorite month "October" (31 Oct 2012)

  

October is my favorite month of the year.
(BIRTHDAY , GOING BACK HOME AND HALLOWEEN)

October is a month that I eagerly look forward to and is going to end 

The month that gives me the feeling of peace and serenity. I love you October...

Coming back to work after long weekends. This is so cruel when I have to get back on track and to face the reality. But come to think of it, my holidays was fun and worthwhile..   
But what sad was, I sacrificed my SHINee’s and SMTOWN concert tickets in exchanging the bus tickets for this whole month to go back to KL.
*Ya really sad to lost this chance but I’m willing to :)*
My October starts with every morning waking up planning on what to pray and what chapter to read in the bible in order to have a blessing day for myself, family and friends. It is a holy month for me.
Something “happened”  giving me the urge to go on a meat fasting for 15 days and abstain from meat in order to have spiritual cleansing, purity of thought and avoiding temptations of flesh in my mind hoping to pray spiritually. It is a month for me to strengthen my relationship with God and have faith in everything I do and also an opportunity for me to seek for forgiveness from God.  The hardest part of all is to abstain from hateful thought, unkind words and cruel feelings towards other people. 

Hannah please be kind!

Although there are ups and downs this month but no matter what’s what, a positive attitude, I choose to make the best out of it, with inner peace, grace and serenity.

Lets hope that October good to all of us and give us a memorable moments.